Rainbow Book Fair

I did it! I had a great time, too 🙂IMG_4875

Behind me you can see the tables full of vintage gay porn, which I had to resist buying 🙂 The man selling that stuff was really sweet and I loved looking through it all. I sold some books. Not a ton, but a decent amount, especially considering this was not a romance event. I got to talk with a lot of interesting people and that made the day pretty great. I wish I had walked around more! I only made one circle of the room and I said hello to a few people I knew from facebook, but I didn’t chat as much as I’d have liked.

I managed to keep my feelings of maybe not belonging there in check. I did get several passers-by who commented their surprise that there were “so many women who write gay stories!” but when I talked with them they seemed more amazed than upset, and a few even bought my books so that was cool.

I saw this guy wearing a super fun t-shirt, and doing something with his phone. This is the shirt: frontand what he was doing with his phone was live-casting from the fair for a group called PrideCasters. I spoke with him a few minutes and he explained what “periscope” is (It’s a video app. I had no idea lol) and he told me all about pridecasters. You can follow them on twitter @pridecasters and see what they do. He was trying to get people to join as casters, it seems a relatively new channel. I love the idea and I hope they are very successful. You can see my video here (I’m on with my awesome table-mate Renee at around 3 minutes in) and it also gives a great taste of what the fair was like.

After the fair I went to dinner with some very nice authors, and had a fun evening talking with them. Socializing was definitely the highlight of the trip for me. I will likely be going to the fair again next year! It was a great time and had a wonderful, positive vibe. Everyone seemed happy to be there ❤ and I am glad I was there, too.


More Than Love

My m/m contemporary More Than Love is live!

I hope people like this story. It’s not very action packed or dramatic: it’s a quiet story of love. I know that is not as popular as other styles, but I hope maybe some people will enjoy it anyway.trustme_cover_v3

The two main characters are Dan and Ian. Dan is the point-of-view character the whole time, he’s a cop in his late 30’s who is longing for a relationship. Ian is a guy he dated in college and never forgot, and this is the story of their second chance at love.

If you are looking for a gentle love story with a happy ending, give it a try!

Thanks ❤

World Poetry Day

Today is world poetry day! I’m not a poet, or really a big poetry fan. I like it well enough, I just don’t feel at all qualified to talk about it in any meaningful way.

There is a poem that has stuck in my head for years. I read it once, way before I had kids, and I never forgot it. I looked it up today (it took no time at all thanks to google. what a time to be alive! lol) so I thought it would be a good one to share.

Today it is snowing (first day of spring! ha!) and my little boy is outside. I’ve been spending entirely too much time on the computer lately, so I’m going out to play. Happy poetry day everyone!

I Took His Hand and Followed
Mrs. Roy L. Peifer

My dishes went unwashed today,

I didn’t make the bed,

I took his hand and followed

Where his eager footsteps led.

Oh yes, we went adventuring,

My little son and I…

Exploring all the great outdoors

Beneath the summer sky

We waded in a crystal stream,

We wandered through a wood…

My kitchen wasn’t swept today

But life was gay and good.

We found a cool, sun-dappled glade

And now my small son knows

How Mother Bunny hides her nest,

Where jack-in-the-pulpit grows.

We watched a robin feed her young,

We climbed a sunlit hill…

Saw cloud-sheep scamper through the sky,

We plucked a daffodil.

That my house was neglected,

That I didn’t brush the stairs,

In twenty years, no one on earth

Will know, or even care.

But that I’ve helped my little boy

To noble manhood grow,

In twenty years, the whole wide world

May look and see and know.

Bisexual Romance!

It exists ❤

So here’s a story: I was scrolling facebook and I saw a post on queer sci-fi asking “what topics would you like to see discussed?” and I answered “Bisexual romance” (actually I wrote a bit more than that, basically outlining my concerns over including bisexual characters in a meaningful way, and increasing bi-representation in fiction.)

So then the other day I’m scrolling facebook again and I see that my topic idea got picked! Cool! There was a nice discussion on the queer sci-fi FB page (I thought so anyway) and I was pretty happy to see such a lot of participation on a topic that is so important to me. Nice.

Then someone made a blog post of their own about it (well maybe more than one person but only one I saw) and their post sparked some more heated discussion, and was taken down. I missed the drama of it all (thank the gods) but I would like to add a little bit. Not because I want to make drama (this won’t be dramatic don’t worry lol) but just because I think the problem is worth consideration, and is important enough that it should be talked about and not just brushed aside to keep things copacetic.

My original question was poorly worded (hey it was a facebook comment give me a break!) but my essential question was: what level of representation in a story is “enough” to label it a bisexual romance?

And the author of the drama-inducing blog post touched on this, as well. It is a real problem, and I think they actually pointed out the root of the issue: When we label romance, we do so based on the genders of the main couple, not their orientations. This is a problem, obviously, and leads to massive bi-erasure. So yes there are prejudices against bisexuals, lots of harmful stereotypes, and even outright disdain for bi’s in romance and, well, everywhere. But I don’t think that is the whole problem. In Romance, we also have an issue with marketing, labeling, and even just talking about bisexuality.

One point that blogger made was bisexual romance is a label used primarily for menage. I’m sure that was a hurtful statement for many. Unfortunately, it’s true. The bisexual romance shelf on amazon is pretty much a selection of mmf menage stories. And hey, I love bisexual menage stories (I’ve written some! *shameless plug* Buy my mmf!!) but mmf is hardly the typical bisexual love story, let’s be honest.

Here’s the thing: there are LOTS of bisexual characters in m/m Romance. Lots. Want to find one? Good luck! Because there really isn’t a way to search for them.

Imagine if there was just one LGBT Romance category on Amazon. And when you brought up a search for “gay romance” you automatically got bisexual, trans, gay, and lesbian titles all mixed in with no filtering. Good? Maybe for some, not for others. Well, when you search up “bisexual romance” you get a lot of menage, maybe a few m/m stories where the author tagged it bisexual, and that’s it. All mixed in, and many of the m/m books with bisexual characters are not there at all. When you search for “gay” or “lesbian” you get lots of bisexual in there, with no way to tell which is which. Sometimes, it’s not even clear in the blurb. And readers will call bisexual characters “gay” as well. Rarely is the word “bisexual” even mentioned.

There ARE bisexual characters in m/m. I’ve written them, I’ve read them, they’re totally there I promise you. For an example, Cut and Run’s Ty and Zane are bisexual (right?) and they’re pretty popular with readers. Yet those books are not listed in “bisexual romance” on amazon. Why? Because the main pairing is two males. So it’s m/m. But…m/m does not always mean “gay.”

Yet amazon (like most vendors) does not have an m/m category. You’ve got to pick an orientation. (Did you just cringe a little? Yep, me too.) Do you pick bisexual, and get your monogamous m/m thrown in with menage and thereby miss reaching the majority of your readership? Or pick gay and erase your bisexual characters? (I usually pick both, but to be honest it’s the “gay” list I’m trying to rank on, as it is the bigger market.)

Representation matters. But so does getting our books to the readers who want them. (bisexual romance authors gotta eat, too)

I’m not sure what the solution to this is. How can we spotlight our bisexual characters and still appeal to our readers? How can we change such a big thing as amazon’s categories? How can we openly recognize bisexual characters in romance? I wish I had more answers. As always, I’m open to ideas 🙂


Uncharted Hearts: historical tidbits

Some random facts (many of them gay-related) I learned while researching for Uncharted Hearts **click the links for sources and more info**

• Found out about this awesome person: The first female US soldier, Deborah Sampson. She lived as a man for 23 years (!) and was honorably discharged (in 1783) and she was awarded a pension, which her surviving husband was allowed to continue to collect after her death! It’s not clear if she was a gender-fluid or trans individual (has been claimed by some) or if she simply was a woman with a strong sense of patriotism, but either way she was a badass. She removed a bullet from her own thigh in order to avoid revealing her sex to military physicians! And after she left service she married and had three kids!

• People in the US as recently as February 2015 (yes this year) have been arrested under anti-sodomy laws, even though those laws were deemed unconstitutional… in 2003. Amazingly, those Revolutionary-era American sodomy laws were on the books until the 1960s (!!) when they were mostly removed. But some US states held onto sodomy as a crime, even until 2003! As of 2014, a dozen US states still had unconstitutional anti-sodomy laws on the books.

• A total of 15 men were executed for sodomy in America (during the almost 250 years when the death penalty was applied to that crime.) Sodomy was rarely prosecuted in the American colonies, despite the law, and all 13 colonies removed the death penalty for sodomy directly after winning independence. (*an interesting note: while today we think of sodomy as homosexual behavior, back in the 1700’s it was a much broader thing. Many of the convictions for sodomy were actually bestiality charges. Another weird fact: when this happened, the animals involved would be killed and disposed of without any use made of them! lol As if the poor animals had been tainted somehow by the contact. Very sad/strange.)

• There was a ship in the British Navy that was full of gay lovers!! 4 sailors on The Africaine were hanged for the crime of sodomy after the situation on board got a little out of control:

While seabound sodomy was hardly unheard-of, the practitioners among the Africaine‘s crew had seemingly grown unusually (and dangerously) bold about practicing it without a modicum of concealment, “copulating in plain view like dogs.”

(4 men hanged at once for sodomy might not seem like a lot, but the British Royal Navy rarely had even one hanging per year for sodomy, so it was a notable number.)

• Most of the things people write into historical romances about cleanliness is pretty much bullshit (okay I know they are historicals not history but still) People bathed. And did not generally shit in the street.

• We owe much of what we know about early gay life to The Societies for the Reformation of Manners, groups of people who actively searched out and exposed homosexual and other “immoral” behaviors. They claim responsibility for the prosecution of 94,322 people! (no evidence exists to support this claim) These “reformers” were useful, however, since without those court records there would be little evidence of the thriving homosexual subculture of eighteenth century England:

The simple fact of the matter is that around 1700 there was a sudden formation of affiliated Societies for the Reformation of Manners and these Societies actively searched out and revealed and prosecuted homosexual behaviour; our knowledge of molly behaviour exactly parallels the activities of these Societies. (Incidentally, these Societies had a moral view for which the general public did not have much sympathy, and we should be careful to note that the Societies were a very specific and limited social movement, and cannot be taken as evidence for a “homophobic society” in general.) The “shift” is not a shift in homosexual role, but a shift in prosecution. We know hardly anything about homosexual subcultures before 1690 Ăž when the Societies for the Reformation of Manners were formed.   source

• The “father of the US Military,” Baron Friedrich von Steuben, was known widely as a sodomite. Benjamin Franklin helped him escape persecution for sodomy and brought him to Valley Forge, where he was welcomed by George Washington. He went on to make huge improvements in the American military. He lived with his aides, Walker and North, in a home gifted to him by Washington, and never denied the sodomy charges.

Cool facts, right? I thought so. I read a LOT of diaries, newspapers, court transcripts, and eighteenth century fiction while working on this story. I thought these were some of the better ‘tidbits’ 🙂

kindle_cover_smI learned so much while researching for this book, and though I will probably never write another historical again, it was a good experience. I learned that though we say “it gets better,” it might actually have gotten worse in many ways (the number of GLBT hate crimes and legal prosecutions NOW is much much higher per capita than it EVER has been in history) I learned that historical romances generally tell a very narrow (and often self-serving) “single story” of our history. I learned that there were awesome people of all genders and sexualities living in the eighteenth century, and that our puritanical predecessors were not as chaste or proper as we might have thought (seriously, read some court transcripts. It’s super enlightening.)

If you are interested in a book about three men in 1795 who fall in love, where their “gay-ness” is NOT the source of any drama, and the “taboo” of their relationship is not part of the eroticism, check out Uncharted Hearts ❤

Hop against Homophobia, Biphobia, and Transphobia

Hello! Thanks for visiting my blog on International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia 🙂

HAHABT 2015This year, I am giving away an ebook of your choice to one lucky commenter, and I will also donate $1 per comment to Youth Pride, Inc. (an LGBT charity local to me) So please leave a comment, and then take a minute to visit the other bloggers on this hop, all of whom are offering prizes or donations to charity!

For my post, I want to talk about understanding, and representation. (It will be rambling and long. I’m sorry.) I think that railing against bigotry here would be kind of a waste, considering the audience of my blog. (I hope no one reading this is actually homophobic, biphobic, or transphobic)

So I want to share something I read a while ago that has stuck with me. It was one of those things you read as you’re scrolling through your tumblr or twitter feed, just some short thing. I read this thing, I said, “huh. nice,” and I kept scrolling. The next day, I thought about it again. I went back and found it and re-blogged it. And I have thought about it a few times since, even though it has probably been over a month. Here it is:

I think a lot of people have trouble understanding transgender issues because they try to see themselves as trans, but come at it from the wrong direction. i.e. a cis woman tries to understand transness by going, “what if I felt like/wanted to be a man” when she should be approaching it as “what if I, a woman, was so easily mistaken for a man that I had to pretend to be one”,

grumpypedant via tumblr

I am sure there are as many different trans experiences as trans people, and that for many people this post’s description would not apply. But still…

When I read this post, it was actually a little embarrassing, what a revelation this was to me. How simple. How stupid I was for never “getting” it! For most of us, empathy is the first step to understanding, and this post helped me take that step. Because I really had been thinking of it like, “what if I wanted to be a man,” and that never quite worked. So I am grateful to grumpypedant for the post.

The truth is, I don’t know if I will ever understand what it feels like to be trans, and I don’t know that I need to. What is more important, I think, is acceptance, and keeping an open mind and heart. I’m working on it ❤genderbread-person-gender-identity-graphic

I’ve also been trying to work on my language lately. My kids are getting older, and more aware, and I think that the small, daily things we do, the phrases we use, have an impact. So I’m trying to make small changes to the way I phrase things. One of those is I am really trying to eliminate referring to gender in a binary way. Once I took note of it, I was surprised how often I phrased things in an either/or kind of way when it comes to gender. So now, I’m trying to be better about saying “any gender” instead of “either gender” and not using stereotypes, and not making sex and gender synonymous. I think I’m doing okay.

I think those small changes make a big difference. When I was a kid, people who worked for the police department were called “policemen” and I never thought twice about that. But gradually, when I was older, I consciously began using “police officer” instead. When I had kids, I made absolutely sure to do that. Because I didn’t want my daughter, or my son, to overhear me saying “fireman” or “male nurse” or some stupid shit like that and assume they were not the right gender for a particular occupation. I’m trying to treat this adjustment in the same way. I want them to know that all genders are acceptable and valid. I want them to be more open than I am.

I think as writers we have the ability to do this on a much larger scale, and we should use that opportunity. I’d love to see more bisexual characters, more happy-endings for trans characters, more clearly identified LGBT characters in plots that do not revolve around their sexuality.

Junot Diaz gave a talk, about being an immigrant kid growing up in New Jersey, but I think this excerpt is relevant to the subject of representation of all marginalized groups:

“You guys know about vampires?” Diaz asked.  “You know, vampires have no reflections in a mirror? There’s this idea that monsters don’t have reflections in a mirror.  And what I’ve always thought isn’t that monsters don’t have reflections in a mirror. It’s that if you want to make a human being into a monster, deny them, at the cultural level, any reflection of themselves. And growing up, I felt like a monster in some ways. I didn’t see myself reflected at all. I was like, “Yo, is something wrong with me? That the whole society seems to think that people like me don’t exist? And part of what inspired me, was this deep desire that before I died, I would make a couple of mirrors. That I would make some mirrors so that kids like me might see themselves reflected back and might not feel so monstrous for it.”


For International day against Homophobia, Biphobia, and Transphobia, I hope that you will consider making a small change in your own life. Change your everyday language, or write a new kind of story, or speak up against bigotry when life gives you the opportunity to do so. You can make a difference!

For every comment, I will donate $1 to Youth Pride, Inc. (an LGBT charity in my area) and I will pick one commenter for my e-book giveaway! (make sure you fill in the e-mail or check back to see if you’ve won) Contest ends May 24th.

And please, PLEASE, head over to the main page and visit the other bloggers on this hop!

Hop Against Homophobia and Transphobia

HAHAT 2014May 17 is International Day Against Homophobia & Transphobia, so I am participating in my usual blog-style, with a rambling and slightly preachy post 🙂

I don’t identify as Homosexual or Transgender, and though I don’t consider myself 100% “straight” I really have no place in the LGBT acronym. So I call myself an Ally, and I try to be one.

I don’t go around saying it, though. In fact I think this might be the first place I’ve actually said those words “I’m an ally.” I have an HRC bumper sticker on my car, and I have some Rainbow-ish love-is-love T-shirts, and I don’t tolerate any hate speak in my presence… but I never openly identify myself as an ally.

As it stands in terms of homphobia and transphobia: There are the people under the LGBT* umbrella, who are discriminated against, and then there are the people who are actively doing the discriminating. The rest of us are either silent witnesses, doing nothing to help (almost as bad as the discriminating assholes) or we are “Allies,” willing to stand up for what is right, even if only in small ways.

Promising to be an ally is awesome, because you are basically saying “I know the world isn’t always safe for you, but I promise to be a safe place, and to support you.” That is a beautiful sentiment, and a powerful vow.  I love it.

But “ally” isn’t an identity. It isn’t a thing you are. Rather, it is an action, something you have to do.

And in my opinion, it isn’t something to be proud of. It is something we all should be. Being an ally is like the bare minimum of  human decency. Men should be allies to women, people who are LGBT should be allies to each other, young people should be allies to the elderly… anyone with privilege should be an active ally to those living without that privilege. We should try to do better, all of us, every day.

I could totally go on a rant about Ally pride, and how much it pisses me off, but I don’t want to fill this post with negativity. This hop is supposed to be about positive change. And so I thought I’d list some ways to actually BE an ally, everyday. Beyond the shirts and the bumper stickers.

  • The way we teach our kids is a big way to be an ally, maybe the biggest. Kids depend on us to show them what is right and wrong, and showing them that acceptance is right and discrimination is wrong is a powerful way to create positive change. If you have kids, you know there are a million tiny ways you mold their opinions everyday. Do it carefully.
  • Speaking up is another way. And I don’t mean when someone is being actively bullied or harassed, though of course we should do that, I mean in the tiny everyday things we all see and hear. When my neighbor said “I have no problem with gay people getting married, as long as they don’t kiss in front of my kids.” I didn’t want to say anything, but I did. When I hear people say “That’s so gay!” I speak up, even if they all think I’m an oversensitive PC bitch. When my kid wants to paint his toenails pink, I let him, and I make sure anyone who suggests there is something “wrong” with him gets a verbal slap. We are all in situations like this every day, especially as allies. It is important to speak up.
  • Changing the way we think is a way that I think many allies might ignore. You might think that you are totally “in” the LGBT movement, are completely supportive. But I have heard a lot of negative comments among so-called allies. Little comments about bisexuals with partners of the opposite sex being in a “straight” relationship. People saying “I hope my kids turn out to be gay” or “My gay friend, Joe, is coming over later.” I’m sure I’ve also said tons of things that were offensive and hurtful, but the point is just that we should all try to do better.

I guess the core of it is, to truly be an ally (verb, not noun) we need to constantly acknowledge our privilege, try really hard to have empathy, understand that just because we don’t see oppression doesn’t mean it isn’t happening, and take action whenever possible. I’m trying.

I will leave you with this really awesome but slightly unrelated TED Talk, about building empathy and rejecting categorization:

❤ Don’t forget to visit the other great blogs in this hop! Click HERE to go to the main HAHAT blog hop page

One commenter will win a copy of my latest book, Love You Forever, in either signed paperback or e-reader format, your choice. note: If you want to win, you must comment and leave your e-mail when it asks (I think if you are a wordpress user it will not ask, it will just know) otherwise I won’t be able to contact you! This contest will be open until May 24 and one winner will be chosen at random.

But because giving away my own book really doesn’t cost me much, I will also donate $1 per comment (Only up to $25. Sorry, I’m poor) to Youth Pride Inc, an organization local to me that supports LGBTQQ youth and provides community education. So come on, talk to me!

(if comments aren’t visible below, click on this link or the title of the post to open this post in its own page for commenting)

doodle tuesday

I have been doing ‘Doodle Tuesday” for a few weeks now. My last few posts have been sort of heavy, so I thought this would be nice to share. I found out about Doodle Tuesday from Thorny Sterling’s blog, and I am grateful for the knowledge. It has been so fun sharing my doodles, and browsing everyone else’s!

Doodle Tuesday is an offshoot of the You Will Rise Project, an anti-bullying platform which uses visual and literary arts to help people rise above bullying and move past hurt. As a former art teacher, I love the concept. As someone who was teased and excluded (though “bullying” is too strong a word for my experiences), I think it is wonderful.

So, here are the doodles I’ve done so far:

8.6 8.13 8.20 8.27

Why don’t you do one, too? All you have to do is post them to facebook or twitter, with a #doodletuesday tag.

Hope to see your work next Tuesday!